Apologies for the delay in posting.  I’d fallen into a bit of a motivational rut.  Lazieness and senioritis have combined for a period of academic apathy.  Tardys, missed days, and half-done assignments were par for the course and updating somehow got tossed into that mix.

While I’d only been doing just enough work to get by over the last month and doing just ok on tests, during this time period I’ve had a lot of fun actually.  The school I’m at is just as great as its always been and and the people still make the days really enjoyable.  In that sense, I started thinking about if there was even a need to put more effort into my work.  It’s a very challenging school academically and I had pushed myself so hard off the start that this felt like a vacation.  I’d been pretty happy cruising by  during this time period; less stress, more free time, actually getting some sleep.

But what it did, really, was get me to think about an internal debate we all have that’s not even about school: how hard should we push ourselves?  What is the balance and relationship between happiness and success?

School is an interesting prism to view this issue through in the respect that while in our adult lives these concepts seem very vauge, in school there’s such a direct correlation between hard work and success.  And more to the point, there are cold, hard, numbers that let us know how we do.  So in that sense, we need to all decide what is acceptable to us.  Am I happy as a 3.0 student who does just enough to get by and has fun?  What’s wrong with just cruising through school and being happy?  Would I be happier as a 4.0 student who works hard but is perpetually stressed and goal focused?  Or will I only be happy if I’m #1 in my class?   Is there a balance that’s acceptable?   Should I just focus on learning and let the grades be what they are?   What is that balance?

Well for me I decided that while I’d been having fun goofing off, something felt wrong.  It’s almost hard to articulate and it’s also hard for me to determine how much of that feeling is from within and how much of it is from a programed sense of responsibility but I do feel the need to push myself more.  Not even so much to get better grades, but (cliche alert!) to take advantage of the opportunity to learn and apply myself to the best of my abilities (or at least closer to them).  I only have 6 weeks left of school and for whatever reason, I just feel like it’s something I need to do.  Hopefully in doing this I’ll gain a better sense of the larger question of “why” but for now that it feels right is enough.

Or who knows, maybe I just think too much.  Mostly I’m just getting sad that school is coming to an end.  Whoever thought I’d ever say that.

Sorry again dear readers, I know some of you have sent e-mails asking what was going on and want to hear more.   I’ll be updating more from here on out.